The Death of America's Space Program

The recent decision by President Obama to nix the Constellation Moon Program was just the final nail in the coffin of America's Space Program. In Truth, the program has been shaking in it's death throes since the Columbia disaster, in which the shuttle disintegrated upon re-entry.

The death rattle STARTED with the Challenger Disaster - something which, interestingly enough, I was not allowed to see as a child at Merwin Elementary.

What really bothers me about all this is that in a way, its a middle finger to the people who Died in these two events, us giving up. Every man and woman upon those ships was willing to give their lives for the chance to be in space! And us pretty much giving up makes it as if they gave their lives for nothing. We've become too concerned with the details, and not the big picture here.

Plus it would seem the average American knows very little about space, and cares not to learn much. Not to mention with all the light pollution over half the US can't see a damn thing at night other than a few bright stars. A few years ago, during a total black out, a number of Indiana residents called the police and fire stations concerned with what they were seeing in the sky. Know what they saw? The Milky Way. How sad And ridiculous!!

America has become complacent about far too much, the Space Program being just one of the many things most no longer even think about, let alone concern themselves with. For Shame!

I said to a friend the other day I wanted to live in Space. His reply? Better learn some Chinese. Or Russian. Well screw the whole Chinese idea. They always cut corners and seem to care little about safety.

So I guess it's "da, komrade!?"

The ESA ( European Space Agency) doesn't seem to have the funds to put people in Space - only projects. But at least they have some vision and drive.

I never thought I'd see the death of American Space Exploration in my lifetime, but it seems sadly, I have.

What do you do when your family doesn't support you?

How are you supposed to make it through, day by day, when no one will back you up!?

How do you explain to them that half of the reason you are a mess is BECAUSE they don't support you and constantly judge you?

I grew up with a nice, close, happy family. Then one day that all changed. And because I didn't support someone in their poor, shabby, bullshit decision and behavior, I became the nemesis. The henchman. The black sheep. The bad guy.

What a joke.

Especially considering the way said person carries out their life.

I guess I need to insulate and protect at this point. And also grow a nice Thick Protective Barrier level skin or something. Because I don't know if I can take any more.

I have heard the most ridiculous things that I supposedly did. And through unfortunate circumstances, fell into bad situations which only exacerbated the problem, and superficially confirmed everyone else's doubts and opinions.

I am not a bad person.

There are people and animals even, that I would defend to the death and have no regrets doing so, on this Earth.

I have made some very poor choices and done some stupid things, but at the end of the day, it was all in the hopes that the people or situations I chose would get better.

To no avail, obviously. People don't change. They only get worse.

So what am I to do now? Become a hollow shell? Or so thickly walled and insulated that no one can reach me? That's not living.

I am feeling so uncertain and unhappy.. and all because of Other people. So I guess all I can do right now is forgive myself and move on.

You with me?

Head Wound Wind Up

So I have never been concussed before, and I must say, it is quite distressing! Didn't realize how much I depended upon my brain til I bruised the damn thing!
I'm saying whacked out crap and acting in ways I would normally never. Guess I'm lucky I'm not deceased, though!!
Apparently the effects last for about a month... FUN TIMES. :|
Not looking forward to being wonky for another three weeks or so... not at ALL.
I keep having dizzy spells, too.
Supreme suckage.
I really don't have much else to add other than I seem to be extremely lucky And Unlucky at the same time-weird.

UPDATE - Staples feel really weird as they are yanked out. And I have a tiny weal that may be permanent. And People Don't Like Gory Bloody pictures of stained pretty blond hair. ;)
And you occasionally faint. And DO NOT hang upside down. EVEN for a second.

State of Dismay

What is going ON with the world anymore? A couple fights. An athlete dies. He is praised upon high. I make a comment that he was not a saint and am chastened for the statement... only to call a friend and hear that a year ago, a pedophile was released from prison, and the grandma of the abused child killed the pedophile and herself to save the child - because said Pedophile? Was abusing HIS OWN KID.
A story I never even heard about. And it was right next door, in Covington.
What has happened to us as a society that we worship the troubled performers, yet ignore the silent heroes?
I was supremely shocked by the end of Dexter, Season 4, and that must be because I am so close to a number of new Moms in the world. I never saw it coming, and I haven't been that rattled by a fictional character since Cooper was BOB in Twin Peaks - almost 20 freakin' years ago!
Death is nothing new. Yet again and again we hail the weak, the sick, the perverted. It worries, saddens, and disgusts me.
Michael Jackson - pill addled child molester with all the hush funds in the world. I don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks - the man was disgusting. But you'd think he was Jesus Christ The Second Coming after his death.
Meanwhile my grandmother, 92 - and a pain in the ass by the way - passes by, not a blip on the radar.
Live each day. Do your best. It's all one can ask.
Just stop worshiping the undeserved. Worship No One.
Treasure your self and those that matter to you.
Shit - Kum ba Ya? ;)

The 'Orange-Haired Bear'

Ok. It all started almost 13 years ago to the day. Mike Woerner tells me about an awesome puppeh at Cherry Grove Petland. He knows what a sucker I am for a cute fuzzy pup. So I go. No Intentions, mind you!
And what followed is the stuff of myths. I played with her. Some goof kid opens the pettin' corral. I had been jingling my keys and Mookie had been biting and grabbing at them. She Suddenly snags them in her mouth and books it to the front door. As if to say - "Let's blow his joint! We out!"
Of course I took it as a sign. I put down a nonrefundable deposit of about 125$ and she was over 550$!! And only because she was so damn cute - because she is a husky/chow mix and They hadn't even figured that out. They thought she was elkhound. WTH!? ;)
So I go home, and sheepishly tell my Mom that I just bought a dog - Kinda. We go back to Petland, and she instantly melts like a puddle of butter. Mom agreed, and as she has come to tell me in recent years, she did so out of hopes that this little ball of fur would help keep me alive. And I must say - she has.
My dog and I have such a symbiosis/freakish kinship/soul-tie its spooky. I say she is ET to my Elliot. But as Mikey Mayhem stated one night, sometimes its the other way around. :o ! I was surprised at this insight but totally agree.
When I moved to Germany for a year, she didn't eat for over two months. And every night I ached for her. EVen when I'm away a week, I feel like a part of me is missing. More than any family, man, child, or close friend, I need her. I fear what her passing will do to me, because I have yet to really lose a pet I still owned. But I know she will let me know when it's time. Hell, I have tears right now - the thought is such a fierce one.
I'm really just a big softie, obviously.
I've had those who suggest she is spoiled, but that's Not it. We are just that close. We get separation anxiety! Ha ha. She was kenneled Once. And would not even Look at me for a week. And I hated having to put her there to begin with.
In a lot of ways it's very much like having a kid. Owning her/being her 'Mom' has prevented me from doing certain things, but I'd never trade a minute. She literally talks to me and tells me her every need. Even when she's been bad, she tells on herself.
All of my pets have 'talked'. I even had a Betta that had tons of personality. And I was so upset when he passed. He has a little grave out back.
I guess it's my vibes, or how I treat people and animals. * shrug * Dunno for sure.
Mookie, aka Puppa Wuppa, Orange Haired Bear, Bear-Bear, BBear, et cetera, is a gift. And I treasure her every darn day!

As good a place to start as any

Well I've been told for a while now by friends and family that I should start a blog. I avoided this much like I did Twitter, because I didn't want to just be another bandwagon-joiner-latecomer. Then I clicked on and read a post by a facebook acquaintance/friend (?) whom I vaguely recall from middle school, and was so touched by what she had written that I figured screw it. I need somewhere to be expressing myself every day/frequently as opposed to just yapping people's ear off, which I do SO often.
If only I was taping myself during all these rants/rambling trains of thought - or blogging it - so I could look back upon my own words, maybe I could have avoided some of my missteps.
So here I start. One step, one word, one moment at a time. :)
The reboot. The reinvention. The new version. Paige 3.0. Space Age Paige.