How are you supposed to make it through, day by day, when no one will back you up!?
How do you explain to them that half of the reason you are a mess is BECAUSE they don't support you and constantly judge you?
I grew up with a nice, close, happy family. Then one day that all changed. And because I didn't support someone in their poor, shabby, bullshit decision and behavior, I became the nemesis. The henchman. The black sheep. The bad guy.
What a joke.
Especially considering the way said person carries out their life.
I guess I need to insulate and protect at this point. And also grow a nice Thick Protective Barrier level skin or something. Because I don't know if I can take any more.
I have heard the most ridiculous things that I supposedly did. And through unfortunate circumstances, fell into bad situations which only exacerbated the problem, and superficially confirmed everyone else's doubts and opinions.
I am not a bad person.
There are people and animals even, that I would defend to the death and have no regrets doing so, on this Earth.
I have made some very poor choices and done some stupid things, but at the end of the day, it was all in the hopes that the people or situations I chose would get better.
To no avail, obviously. People don't change. They only get worse.
So what am I to do now? Become a hollow shell? Or so thickly walled and insulated that no one can reach me? That's not living.
I am feeling so uncertain and unhappy.. and all because of Other people. So I guess all I can do right now is forgive myself and move on.
You with me?
